so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
