Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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