I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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