Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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