My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
smell my finger.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
