the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
