I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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