I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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