my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
