he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
