The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
