I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
