Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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