how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
