Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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