All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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