Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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