Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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