her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
