If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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