She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
