I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
