Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
