At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
