It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This baby is an asshole
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
