its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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