Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
worst night to have a conscience
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
