I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
