Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
