I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
