what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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