She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
