I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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