My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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