how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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