I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
