I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
