"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
