i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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