well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
