Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
People in love make me want to vomit
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
