god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
