I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
