Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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