guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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