You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
