can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
