Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
