You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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