Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
