So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
