New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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