You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
